happy

I thought I could make sunrise mean morning again
instead of a clock chime
don't you understand
we used to be humanity, now we are just a man
each a lonely figure stark against the sunsets
and the angels watch us from their pink clouds shouting down
cant you see the ocean?
The boats making their reflections into shadows in the crisp mornings
why aren’t we happy with that?

My apology

It was cold out
the kind of cold that tingles under your skin like a ghost story
the rag doll flung across the bench was barely breathing
she and the bass banged heads
ba bang ba bang ba bang ba bang
like a gun shot in the night
they reverberated off of each other making the loneliest music
all we wanted was a moment of peace
so I stand before you a thief
I stole that song and made it into a lullaby
so the baby wouldn't cry
the earthquakes could sleep at night
and I could remember
I don't need sobbing to sing me to sleep

Why are we on the streets

Dying embers like stardust in their eyes
ground under the heel of the man you despise
take to the streets and fight fight fight!
Hold on with all your might
steady campaigns against freedom of choice
make sure they can all hear your voice
peacefully protest the breaking of trust
between the classes that think that it must


Don't do a 18
0, just open your eyes
See beyond the stupidity and lies
find for yourself what you know to be true
hidden in the black innards of you
99 percent of us can't get a penny
while rich get richer in the land of plenty
but you know if it was all really perfect and fair
we would not have the capacity to really care

So here is my proposal to our little problem
we keep up the act and pretend that its solemn
but really its a celebration of working towards change
the possible output, though the input is strange
because who would use peace when wars so effective?
We would because we know were protected
so we pitch up our tents and our campfires too
whether in rain or when the sky’s blue

Do you hear that?
the gentle sound of angry voices raise behind
the walls of fuzz that blind you
to the dangerous debries of something broken
a relationship broken
a people once whole broken
we just got on this train
followed it all the way down the isle
barely a year ago
youre willing to let this go?
just because china dolls break easier when thrown at the wall?
I break easier because im not tall
enough to hide my head in the ceiling
every time you come home to wheeling
maybe you shoulda skipped that last shot
come home sober next time
remember you are my life line
you gave me life, then drew the line
between what you believed and what was wrong
I danced on it with the fragile bones
of a girl who pretended to fit in
but thinks too much to fit in.
Maybe your clothes are too small for me to fit in
but my brain is to full for you to fit in.

Just another day

if you unraveled my veins
they would be as tall
as the twin towers used to be
and just as vulnerable
you could break me
and it might not be considered
a national tragedy
but for me it would be
a catastrophe
so be gentle
im not used to such smooth hands

Back

I turn 17 the day he meets his baby girl
and she is turning 1.
I smoke a cigarette while he goes inside
with his baby mama
did you expect your daughter
to have eyes as bright as yours?
did you expect her to play with the stars
as if they were just glitter?
I know i didn't expect her at all.
She was the newest edition to a fairy tale
a dream that only comes true
when you squint your eyes and turn your head just so
tell her you love her anyway
no matter how she came to be
buy her little baby toys
that she will find in the back of her closet
when she goes to college.
and it will remind her you love her.
Just remind her you love her, okay?

Try

Just dont try to hard.

Then & Now This

Yes.
It is like that.
Sometimes
even the moon doesn't know
where her children are.
They sneak off into day
& are hidden behind the suns sheer brilliance
But the moon never stops calling
in that mothers worried tone
"have you gone far, children?"
This seemingly eternal game of
hide and seek finds itself
naked as the sun bursts
into a few rays
& then nothing.
Children are left bare in the black sand
with a million scraped knees
from halting up trees
& a million sprained wrists
from burning back down again.
Mama moon sees pain
and heals all
with a tender kiss
from her knowing lips.
we children fall under her
blanket of dreams
she hides us behind mirrors
while she goes outside
to do her bad deeds.
mama drops the last burning cigarette
to die a quiet, lonely death
on cobblestone streets
and walks back in to kiss us to sleep.

Title This Memory Loops

A mountain, grey and white.
Green chairs plopped haphazardly in the snow
Too many empty bottles
reflecting rainbows into my tiny eyes
Now I only see the mountain through high definition
Though sometime in the morning, when its red instead of grey
I imagine that is the time of day
When the rainbows reflect the best
Yes, Before was happy
& Now still looks behind for her missing little girl

draft

dont look up
lock the sky
so when stars fall at night
they wont blaze trails behind your closed eyes
dont open your mouth
because if the summer night air
slips silently into your lungs
you will breathe bubbles until the day you die
dont cry
dont try
dont lose
or talk to the ones you love
about the nights you miss
and the freedom you enjoyed.
Dont remember every kiss from every blank faced boy
actually.. it was only one.
it will only ever be one.
i hope he remembers like i do.
Or I should i stop remembering like him?
Just forget
let sand blow my eyes shut into the sweet dark oblivion.

login

feeling is believing
and time just keeps on stealing
dont tell me that im breathing
because ill show you that im not.
not here
not there
not broken everywhere
like the cuckoo clock
that used to hang in the dinning room
the cuckoo would always cu-cu too soon
as if a reminder yell
"you were born, appreciate it." cu-cu
"you were born, appreciate it." cu-cu
and you tell me i'm not crazy
but i'll tell you that just maybe
the music running through my viens
is making me insane.
if you cant remember my name
dont try and play my game
because we all know what real poetry is.
so why bother listening to the this shit?

My inner child

is draped in lights
riding on the clock
so she will never be late
she lives in the the little box of secrets
i keep in the back of my closet
her voice is the gravel i used to ride my bike on.
she smells like the lullaby they used to sing me to sleep
but only in the summer time
when we had to close the curtains to make night appear
her eyes are the color of crunching leaves
her smile is three thousand grains of sand
and sometimes i worry if she speaks
it will all fall away
through the cracks the dry skin carves into her lips
and leave the beach telling its naked secrets

sometimes my inner child is naughty.
she lets desire take its course
and when she realizes what she has done
she runs
with pieces of road still rattling in her combat boots.
She was always the good one, wasn't she?
The one who knew the difference between the sides of the scale?

Now though all she does is try to even it all out.

Once though she remembered
a time when we laughed
when the swing still went high enough
to be wings
carried us to the tops of trees
and we flew away into forever.
Before we knew what lips really felt like.
and before we saw the rips
that this time safety pins cant fix.
Like they somehow know stop lights mean something now.

Library Books

Brendan’s way of saying goodbye was kissing razors with his veins
But life doesn’t always work out that way so instead he decided to be different.
To marry ink and needles and ripped jeans.

Emma’s way of saying goodbye was a lovely swim in the bay.
She told her parents she was going to kill herself and they laughed so she held on.
Wakes up every morning with the idea that its closer to the end so she can exterminate her defeat with bass notes she feels in her tolerance.

Scott’s way of saying goodbye was slaughtering breath with rope burns
But the paramedics got there first so now he lives with his cat in an apartment
And instead of going to Christmas at his parents he tells them he FINALLY has a date
And ends up at home making youtube videos that no one ever watches

Jessica’s way of saying goodbye was a good time stretched into eternity
but her boyfriend didn’t want to lose the baby so now she sits chained to a hospital bed wondering if the baby turned out ok, is our baby okay? Damn, I wana kill that fucking baby.

Hope’s way of saying goodbye is me. She thinks its funny or charming the way I kiss up to eternity like, somehow im gonna make it out. Well we just have to know that death is not defeat. It a prize after a life but some how only those with detention slips get in.

Dad’s way of saying goodbye was dying.
He had no time for notes or detention slips and it didn’t matter because the only words he would read were the poetry written on the walls of the city. I don’t think he knew he was going to he couldn’t see the poetry anymore. Life had made him dizzy. I guess I was his gift to the world but why didn’t he leave a gift for me?

He said his gift was religion but if this is my church then where the fuck is my God because I’m pretty sure that bastard gave up on me. Just another gift I cannot see, like the undying love my dad had for me, which conveniently I can’t find.

So when I die, I will leave a story. Something solid you can see. I’ll write it down all over the city.

Laura’s way of saying goodbye was silence. There’s no silence in forgetting, only forgetting the silence, so she recorded it so when her boss asks for a regurgitation of what she learned this year, she plays it back. No screams, no smoke, just… The purest, most simple note.

No idea

Today i saw a little door made for little people
and i wondered..
If i was that little would i use that door?
Probably not..

You see, I dont like the idea of change
of walking through an archway and pausing
maybe to walk into greater mistakes
I dont want to lose myself
no matter what I gain
Im scared of truth
of my mask being ripped away
I dont want a face
because im worried it might not look the right way
How will I manage not being seen
in a world where thats everything
I only wanted to tell you goodbye
as you got closer and I got farther from the sky
But he has told us to sit still
which society doesnt say very much
but you know you have to listen if they do say such
Just close eyes
No need for planned goodbyes
this is a moment for no real lies
Just a secret
You can keep as you grow I can keep as I shrink
We can pour it down like whiskey
into the cracked kitchen sink
Because we're fuzzy
Like my cat that died
if you see her in the clouds tell her I miss her purple eyes.
But i may find her if I walk through the doorway
that tiny doorway
If I was that small would I have the guts to go unknowing into that doorway?

Are we not all fortunes fools?
Since you cannot tear yourself away,
surrender.
If the tide takes you away it isn't because you didn't fight it.
Its because you didn't breathe every breath like your last.
It as been a thousand years since all I could seek was the approval of thine eyes.
Yet here we lay in a warm sheet
surrounded by the last moments before love falls to angers heed.
So while we still lay as though in graves
let us use our time to kiss away coming tears
and shelter me from mine.

Calender Promise

I drank to much last night.
all i can see in my memories
is a naked girl lying on the floor.
drunk. broken.
bruised by the weight of life.
with a perfect apple cut out, torn on her baby face.
those blades of poison took so little time to set in.
she was seeing black and shaking like innocence lost in flame.
her eyes were so red i thought they were bleeding
until i saw the smoke curl up into her eye lashes.
she cut me.
"you did this" she screamed.
"you are not a victim, and you don't deserve them."
I know in the morning i will know she is right,
but right now all i can do is bleed words.
3 sounds.
Death. Is. Permanent.

Him

You're an old poetic joke
brought on by the glass taste of remembering.
So, I am 6 feet in the sky
and you tell me to stop swimming in your smile.
does my obsession comfort you
or am i already a discarded imagination?
He is a photo self-portrait
ripping, curling and yellowing with the dead leaves.
I wanted dark dead center of my light
so here you are
to force remembrance,
embrace me in my static adrenaline past
with bolts for my arms
so I can't move
when regret and memory come to gouge out my eyes.
Poke my heart again with your push pin
because me and my ink confessions
will be ashes by the blue sunrise
just dust tickling your sensitive nose
because I don't want you to forget.
Don't forget who you will become
when you are lamenting on who you were.
Don't let our past slip quietly into the fire
like the music that dies as the caravan moves on.
If we are the smoke tinted generation
let it be so.

Hello Star

Did you happen to see that black and white photo
of the day they got married?
Did you happen to watch her jump into his arms?
Or watch the gentle, loving way she was carried?
Did you happen to stare at the silver ring
That graces her finger?
Did you happen to notice how the first kiss
still seems to linger?
Did you happen to contemplate the gentle veil
as it floated delicately on the floor?
Did you ever stop to wonder
If maybe there was more?

And then one day
he asked her to count the people in her life
tell him how many friends she had
she sighed
looked at her feet and spun a dream
she told him of the millions waiting for their call to go through to her cell
of the all the boys dying for her glance
She told him that she knew what she was doing
what she wanted
and he was confident
but spinning a tale for the sake of another only takes you so far.
he was happy she had everything she wanted.
she cried at night because she was lonely
wrote poems about all the ways she fucked up
swore to herself she would be somebody someday.

She just wanted to be somebody someday.

That night she went to the store
and bought a white dress
she gently zipped it up
admiring the innocent way it played with her figure
She slipped on white flats
and did something funny.

She sat in the middle of downtown and sang into the empty streets as loud as she could.

She was connected by a silver chain of song to everything.
She was somebody
not the plastic girl she dreamed of
she was a real.

When she was old and ready to die
she took her viened hands
touched them to her wrinkled lips
and hummed a small tune.
The ears of the city perked up.
They remembered her,
they would always remember her.
She was as real to this city as the voices trapped on subway walls.
She was somebody, and this was the last day.

Free time

In my spare time I like to rewind my life
spin it backward and unsettle the sun rays
I like to be bold as iron
Strong as brass
Mixing poems with broken glass
I like to eat the reflection
that plays peekaboo in the mirror
because I'm to old for games now
I just down my drink and sit in the back alone
like a starfish on dry land
Its only in the sand because it fell off the swing set
We fell off the swing there too.
at night
she held me
and we let the ivy creep up our backs
I wonder sometimes what i do in my free time
But then i stop wondering because i realize
I am too busy to wonder.

Permanent Marker

I am going to get a tattoo
Of a pit
on my belly
So you will think I am deeper than my skin
Until you remember its only and optical illusion

OH
And that tattoo of the wings on my back?
Yeah..
Those aren't really wings
Just the desperation of my bones to fly and escape time


I knew you were searching for my heart
so i tattooed it on my ribcage
so you would find it and look no deeper
I didn't want you to find the lungs
chugging along alone
In the empty birdcage

That tattoo by the back of my shoulder?
Yeah that's just a rose
because i was so desperate to be in love
I couldn't see it sitting there behind me

But if you ask me why they are all so invisible
I will tell you you just aren't looking hard enough
I tattoo my emotions on like masks
hidden in the plain sight
so the rays of sun can crack them on my face

But ask me something else
pretend you don't see them
and you will have finally learned what it is to be human

I'm partial to left arrows

Love me,
love my ridiculous outfit.
Love my words,
my thoughts,

my perfect replica of only one person.
Myself.

well, you dont have to love me.

In fact...

Hate me.
Hate the torn skin under my eye
Hate the way i remind you of something
hate the way I talk to much
my choices,

My perfect replica of only one person.
Myself.

Wanna know I secret?





I dont really care.










<3

NIght Vision

I was a girl
who sat under the half moon
and didnt ask it to fill

I was a girl
who licked the last off her spoon
even after she was full

I was a girl
Who cried when the children prayed
and wanted nothing more then to help

I was the girl
when no one else was getting paid
flipped a coin to a strangers pocket

I was the girl
Who was too strong willed by half
and cried though it wasn't cool

I was the girl
wobbling on the knees of a calf
who wanted nothing more then to fly

Rambling For Waits

Im writing now to get out emotions.
Im spilling my gut like acid on to the computer screen
hoping brilliance will fall from somewhere.
But as I wait in the wings of life I come to realize,
We are all just wasting time.
We bide our time for something
and when it comes, bide our time for the next thing.
Moments I glimpse a different reality.
One where I am content to just be there
To get out of Dr. Suess's waiting room
and find the spirals that glaze the page with promise.
Im content with the safety of a rhyme
a little quip about how great life is
or woe is me.
But tell me, reader...
Where are the poems about the person inside each writer?
Why does competing for attention still make the priority list?
What has honesty really become?
The truth is no longer pure white because we tainted it.
The wind must have spilled our paints all over the sidewalk
because the picture I see is not graceful
but it is true.
It gives a new perspective to our shows
To our shadows
to our contemplation on things that are not really important.
I say a lot of things
and they shape me
and my writing.
Now, most people wont understand.
I dont ask you too.
I beg you for your chance at a lifetime.
And pray that you dont waste it.

Time is a thief

Tell me her name
so i can pass it through my lips
and taste the tang of lies.
Tell me how you met her
why you love her
what she makes you feel.
Torture me with details of stolen kisses
moonlight whisking you away
and the sweets you hide in your bag for her.
But god.
do not tell me she isnt there
dont tell me I hear whispers at night
and it is probably just the tree
meowing an the wind to be let back inside.
Do not tell me that she isnt real
that you dont love the heat of my fresh wound
that it reminds you of her skin.
Do not tell me that twirling my hair isnt just a pass time
until you can enjoy the secrets the dark even envies you for.
I love you
but baby im so numb from the wounds that your busy life style wont allow to heal.
Im here to place a well aimed blow at your jaw
hoping my words will bruise you
so i can be the one to kiss them better.

Baby

I dont love you because you're pretty

I love you 'cause of the way your smile is crooked
and the way you call me, insecure
I love you 'cause the way you hold me
and the way you whisper
I love you 'cause you see me as your equal
not a lesser being
I love you 'cause your sweet
and 'cause you cry
I love you 'cause you breathe so hard into the phone
and 'cause you sound so cute when youre asleep
I love you 'cause your funny
even when you're teasing me
I love you 'cause you talk so much
and dont let me interject cause you're so excited
I love you 'cause you kiss my forehead,
and not always my lips
I love you 'cause you cradle my name
Like the silence I sometimes leave behind
I love you 'cause you would wear aviators
even on a cloudy sky

A walk

I wish I was a tree.
I would have leaves
dying yellow to see you,
And lilies hanging upside down from my branches
so that you can reach up and pick them.
I would be everything you ask for
and there would be nothing that could hold me back.
Its not that I am not emotional,
its that my emotions drip like sap down my throat
and stick in my bark covered spirals.
My body is full of the twists and confusion
of a clear cut choice.
But i took root so i wouldn't have to choose,
then reached my branches to the sky to be free.
You see, I cant make up my mind.
So. When you cut my down and use me as firewood
I hope that I finally did something right by your red, drippy eyes.
And its not that I can hate,
Its that you make me despise you with every squirrel buried deep.
So I wish I was a tree.
Then I could build myself into a fort
and still steal a piece of the sky.
Then I would be perfect by me.

A read out loud poem

I am a baby.
Wrapped twice around my mothers womb
like the umbilical cord wraps around me.
And i sigh
cause I was hoping someday i would get to cry,
someday i had hoped to lie
and then ask my self, why?
cause i wanna grow up.
I want to pick a flower
then be to shy
to give it to whomever I may love
I want to fight to own the sky
my daddy and i may fight
but hey i can deny
i love my family
and i know they aren't the bad guy
although sometimes that's what i imply
but here i am
I dunno if i will make it out alive
but hey I've got to try
I wanna taste what it feels to fly
I wanna fight
and learn its wrong with my first black eye
I want to go in jeans when everyone else is in black tie.
I wanna make it out alive.
I gotta make it out alive
I gotta stop the bullets
from someones chest
and be be the hero
that's gone awry

I wanna live
not just be alive.

Future

She plays with the paper on the other end of the tea bag
As if that will stanch the drips from her emotional eyes.
She tells me hope is a powerful choice.
It is a choice.
They do not control me if I am free.
Her fingers stumble with the weight of her ring
And it will be the image burned into my mind,
Although it is of no significance to me
It holds a lifetime of choice.
Her choice.
I am the seed that is meant to grow.
I am not the passive play toy of others desires.
This is a choice.
Tomorrow I will write my own choices.
I will make amends only to myself.
I am alone in myself,
A maze of opportunity and self-written despair.
I am the final choice and the only situation at hand.
I cannot find things that are not there unless I create them.
I promise myself that I chose that moment
And I enjoyed the burn of reality as the consequence washed down my throat.
The limelight hits me on the otherwise black stage.
Each of us is up here of her own accord
Ready to free our passions and try to make dents in our own lives.
This is the freedom I live for.
I love the tingle that runs its course.
It is toxic free alcohol for me.
I confess I chose that bike as I ran for a taste of something
That I now realize I found
In the nights soaked with blunt truth.
But it was lost quickly with the sunlight
And the salt & vinegar chips with off-brand coke and kinder eggs.
I remember.
We did things.
Painted emotion on the side of the half pipe.
Dropped the metal lunchbox from the top of the parking garage.
I ran from the police.
I followed the action,
Not because I enjoyed hiding in that corner of piss and graphite
But because I wanted to find freedom.
I slept under a blanket of frozen air and stared at the moon
As it over powered the stars.
I was free, but it wasn’t real.
I chose to come back to protection
Because I knew that flying was not forever
And I would someday fall.
Consequence always tracks down the action.
This was an attempt to accept me,
Not the folly of your bribes and punishments.
I confess that I play the victim well,
For I don’t wish for the full weight of life
To come raining down on my shoulders like bricks.
I confess that the ache in my head
Is from trying to surpass what I have learned
And find a place that I know is there.
I want to come from there.
I chose to come from there.
I will make the laws my own so I can break them upon occasion.
There are many words
But not enough to lighten a burden.
I must admit that I wanted to sit safe
With the sporadic daring act.
I wanted more then I can have.
But seriously, I understand.
I can contemplate both roads.
And I remember taking the road that led me home.

Windy Days

All I want is to be free.

To tear out obstructions
Like the brambles tore out the eyes of Rapunzel’s love.

I want to advance down the empty roads
That lay stretched out like skin
With the blackness unraveling to the stars will,
Until I reach the place no one has been but me.


It’s a personal place that’s dark like unspoken truths,
It will be where no one can find me.

I will dream sparrow wings and fly to the moon.
I will dream orange-roughy fins and be free in the ocean.

Because all I want is to be free,
To leave you in the dust of my dreams,
To run down the clouds and blot out your screams,
To find the piece of sobering reality
That doesn’t exist in the needlessly dramatic lives of you drones.


All I want is to be free.
To chase meadows on the back of a butterfly.
I want to bite through the cold, metallic leash you put on me
And toast the wine by drinking the wind.


I will erase the scars from the face of my hideaway,
Turn it into the Garden of Eden,
So I can feast on knowledge and keep paradise,
Or at least some peace to my sore feet.


With the greed of Hades
And the innocence of a deer,
I will run like no one can follow me,
Because all I want is to be free.


I will be taller than the moon is far
If that is what I am longing
Maybe smaller then string theory,
Leaving just as much evidence that I exist.
I will be as visible as wind.
As transparent as sedimentary rock.
But all I want is to be free.


I will create my own patterns
Like a child plays in its own world.
I will spin the sunset into a dress
And the reflection into elegant shoes
For me to don every day to go to my life
Because everyday deserves desire.

I choose to be free.

Eternity

Eternity isn’t more than a man.
I can’t understand more than a piece of him.
He is like a wisp of silk in my hand,
Complex as the moon.

Eternity stands on broken glass
With a cigarette jutting from his lower lip.
His skin sags from his creaking frame
Like a sheet from the drying line.

He is bent like a dying tree.
I watch him sway toward the magnet ground
And cover my eyes in panic he will fall
But I cannot help.

I fear for the tender look in his eyes.
So fragile, so strong,
He is water verses rock.
On his shoulder sits the assumption he will win in the end.

His eyes are purple and loose-fitting.
I worry they will pop from his head like grapes.

His hands grasp at the thread of space.
Hoping that the veins and wrinkles will one day be released
And he will be free.

He strings the teeth he's lost up to reflect the sun
And give some light to his caked on certainty.
Wise owls hold the candle while he reads from the stars
And the wind slashes swirls into the crimson dirt.

His tears are that of shredded clouds
And they tear away the mask.
He says “I am the final scale”

Eternity isn’t more than a man,
But he stands with a million fires
And the power to just be.

Fell Off

The veins creep up my arms like weeds
making patterns like roots on a tree
I fold the air into my ribcage
filling my lungs to breaking point
letting my heart brush the gentle movement
then pushing forth the blood of a human being
as it lopes the course of my body
i measure the length of cells
as they take a languid tour of their city
I become myself inside and out
pieces of me physically connect

Goodnight, Tlatelolco

“¡No queremos olimpiadas, queremos revolución!”
They scream to the subservient uniforms.
I stand distantly.
My army of students
Playing into my hands like puppets.
Like a barely cleared battlefield
My vision is slightly smoky
From another of my cigarettes
Passed around
Over discussions of government transgressions
Who tip the scales with false gold, false hope
For the working force, the poor, the students, the women
For Mexico.
Tearing at loose seams
To see what they can unravel,
Poking at our mounting anger
Almost blindly,
Then sending in drones to combat their mess.
All they want is money and power
Forcing us to overlook the rubble in their dust,
And making us believe that this is a godforsaken land
And the regime is our last hope.
But my soldiers march through onto buses
Explaining the horror to everyday people,
While the government meets in monotone voices
My students parade the terror
Everyday treading mud-caked streets
While the government extinguishes their fire
And yet,
My peers fail their mission,
Each slain around me one by one
Or captured by repulsive, militant murderers
Who act without reason and justify with deception.
And I, dear ones, go insane.
Terror uses my soul;
Horror condemns my heart,
And I take solely to the pen.
“Dos meses de guindas y de mentiras.”
Two months of sour cherries and lies.
Goodnight, Tlatelolco.

Assignment of Emotions

My angst is a single rose pedal
Tearing holes when it falls from the stem
To rest on the cold ground
Undisturbed until the winds stir it up again.

The stars reflect the lonely feel
When they glance off my light pink pedal,
As if it was a shimmering pond at midnight.

The sight stabs through the pandemonium in my body,
Bundling its final prose into place,
Grabbing my stomach and twisting it with my heart.

The pedal is bold and beautiful
And painful to apprehend
Printing itself into my memory with a solid bang.

It is lying in the crisp brown and overgrown tangle
Of a weed infested yard.
The only tinge of color.

Time seizes my pedal with her quiet and smooth hand.

Softly it withers and dies,
Curling in on itself,
Becoming just a forlorn sight.
No longer drilling punch after punch into my bruised body
With its fist of fury and isolation.
No longer pounding down the door to my brain to invade.
Just waiting.

It waits to be joined by the next fallen pedal.

Waits for time to give up on it.

Waits to die.

The Great Big Dance

My wheels spin
Taking you home tonight
My headlights shine
Dark clears for you and me

We head down another winding road
I love being near you
That’s all I want to say
My leather seats warm with your flesh

You’re keeping me in control
For the moment I forget
Sunshine will change a dream
Making you regret

But that’s okay
In its cutesy way
I like forgetting
I like remembering how memories feel
I like our whispered voices

The promise of a bond
Strong and gentle
But maybe gone
With the treacherous and arresting sunrise

Blondie Babe

Staring at the clock
Trying to slow time down
Wishing someone would call
So you’d misplace your frown
Twirling your skirt
Your all dressed up
But there’s no where to go
Where you wont mess up
Brushing your hair
Petting down your shirt
Feeling the pop
And the campaign squirt
In your mind
The party runs its course
And when it’s over
Someone stays for you, of course.
Hearing the voices
Wish the people were real
Wearing feather masks
To make a business deal
So pour out glasses
Drink to much
Life’s almost over
So love to touch.

No Makeup Beauty

i love his smile..
and i love the way he calls me at 10 at night
just to say i love you
the way he wakes me up every morning with a text message kiss
the way he argues that im beautiful
and doubts every thought he has
holding them to the candle light
and inspecting them like diamond verses cut glass
I love the way he holds me
as if afraid ill turn to dust in his arms
or burn him like past fires
The way he blushes when one small word is said
and stutters when he says one himself
We skip the memories
and hold hands to create new ones
kiss to give the word new meaning
this topic, bled dry in human times,
i will bleach to my taste.
I will kill the bone dry words i love you
and replace them with the feelings of water
cool beneath my feet
warm inside my body
To join to forces
To make make one whole
Out of two parts
To reveal, not create
the true tales of who i am.

Acts

You have my heart
Like the vines that creep up
And choke the weed flowers

I long for you
Like the ocean longs for night
So it can shimmer in the full silver
Of a partly blackened moon

You feel to me
Like a warm blanket
Toasted by sleeping bodies
And star-crossed lovers
Exploring natures unknown

I love you
Like the white-red creation pink
Dipped in hand painted gold flowers
And sweet kisses at dusk
Hiding behind purple veils of clothes and uncertainty
Losing everything sane in an hour.

Ojos Azul

Place reason in palm
break star with breath
move earth with thoughts
lose life with meth
dig grave with love
miss them with tounge
ask why with prayer
cry for them with lung

Your Ticket Is Invalid

Arms out, dead of night
and try to take off
using the cars runway
you take off down the yellow center line
alone, free
unencumbered
There are no images in your mind
just you and the road
no car to come between you
your face is pale in the moonlight
dark hair, flying behind
black clothes, invisable
You run, lift your face
Breathe
Arms stretching, farther, harder
"FLY!" You will yourself, "FLY!"
Because whats behind you doesn't matter
Where this road leads, unimportant.
Just fly!
Run, breathe, be alone, free!
Unencumbered

Crushed Daffodil

Walking down the sidewalk
sliding hand in hand
too much broken emotion
Too much for him to stand
you should really write your essay
you should really do some good
you should stop thinking about him
You honestly really should
but since that cannot happen
and we all know where you stand
I will still sit and yell at you
you just watch as i reprimand

Pink

In the old days
Or lovers ways
th gentle words
of morning birds
to see you always
during nights and days
barely hidden love
We fit like a glove
Silver lined cloud
we were way too loud
So as life goes
and still no one knows

Sick, But Not That Sick

Take a line, here or there
inside, outside, everywhere
Crank a poem from the dust
dive into your trades red lust.
Pick up the mike to turn it on
You're a perfect picture, nicely drawn
You dedicate this one to Kate
but your face resembles an empty slate.
The mike gives feedback, loud as shame
but when you sing, they remember your name
BEGGING for you once again
pop open a new campaign!
Words are vodka from your mouth
sweeter then a northern south
So your river stops its flow
So the tree refused to grow.

I Am A Step Below In Love

Im documenting my fears and joys
In an empty room, so I can scream in the silence if I get annoyed
Creating a moment of rare intense passion
That has gone away since black and white movies were in fashion
Black and white
Its alright
And you know, you know, I cant move any faster
Cant make time run like a turtle
Cant change the way that I react to him
Cant change the size of my hurtle
Cant make you pick up the phone, or open your door
I can change the rhymes, but not your reaction
Cant tell you no, when you say good bye
Can change the intent, but not the action

Chorus
Action, reaction
And heres your chorus line
Don’t hate the player, hate the game
Don’t hate the game, hate the inventor
Don’t hate the lover, hate the love
Don’t hate love,
Oh im over yooouuu
I can lie so well, cant you tell

A Little Unethical

When I look in the mirror, this is what I see. I see a girl who doesn’t know what she wants to be. She only feels pain or a complicated mix. Her eyes are staring pools of a deep, inner light clouded by shadows. She feels other people’s joy, pain or angst. The curling feelings in her stomach rip at her nerves, twisted as diamond snakes. They stretch and cry bloody war and allow a war to rage inside. The face feigns peace, but like a broken mask there are little cracks. She sees the future of her death, all the inky lies bleeding from her plastic heart. Her body covered by a purple veil of uncertainty, because no one wants to look upon a ruthless truth no longer covered by a mask of lies. My mask is shattered. My truth descends to a place they call hell, but passion calls reality. A true reality. I grope in the dark unseeing until night is true for me. I start to see things beautiful in their horror. They take my broken soul and in return I am given unknowing peace in a cold, hard ground. But, feelings change above; rain washes away the last of me and I am one and whole again.

Maybe In Your Eyes

A horizon bluffed at sunset
My eyes chastise every chance
I feel like I’m caught in a fish net
Being dragged out of my safety waves
Look at your beautiful smile
Your eyes seem to match
And it took me a while
To realize that was still you
Nothings changed cept now all of the girls coo
As all you dreams come true
Good for you
Missing what I take for granted
I left for just a little while
Now I see my worlds been slanted
Is it true?
Or is it just you?
The pieces of the broken puzzle scattered across the room

Chorus
Baby boy
Once just my best friend
But that met its end
You’re not what I’d dreamed
Awkward as it seemed
So many people to miss
Your number 1 on the list

I’d always loved you
But to you I wasn’t that
The day you whispered her name
I was like a rabbit left in the hat
I long to hold you
Always have
I’m not good enough
I’ll never be
I’m sorry I’m a let down
I’ll let you be

Chorus

I hate every girl you glance at
Wishing I was her
I can imagine your soft lips on mine
Your arms holding me close for warmth
The feel of your breath breathing in my ear
A whispered “I love you”
To hear my name
But it’s not to be

The Discard Button

There’s only so much I can take
Only so much strength until I break
Secrets hide inside of me
Because I’m like the old oak tree
People pass around with lesure
But I stay and guard my treasure
My white dress is blowin in the wind im in
I’m alone, their surrounded by kin

Chorus
The anger and frustration must stay inside
These are some of the things I’m bound to hide
And if for some reason they should ever get lose
You find by the morning my body hanging from a noose
So pardon the frightened lies that I’ve told
But my secrets must come with me, as I get old
And naturally with time my pile grows
And I’m sure that the strain on my ugly face shows

So bind me with words I can never set free
Just lock me up and throw away the key
And when I am laying surrounded by dirt
The secrets I keep still under my shirt
My heart keeps them locked away good and tight
But my body has suffered from this internal fight
The truth is an enemy I’ll never meet
Until she lies there dead at my feet
The secrets are company I like to have
But since I’m alone each feels like a stab

Chorus

And while these secrets I do keep
Outside I hear my body weep
While humans are made for this kind of stuff
The going can get a little bit rough
And as I keep inside this dark in-closed den
Outside I hear voices of women and men
But once I went out there, just for fun
I lost so much now I keep out of the sun
And now this song no longer goes on
But I can pretty much guess your already gone

Dance Around Bones

The music turned up way to loud
To drown my empty screams
A whole in my heart just big enough
Actually bigger then it seems
I let you get near to my heart
So you play me like a game
And the worst part of all of this
Is I want you all the same
The weakness that’s inside of me
Laid open on the floor
Though I close and lock my window
You come in through my door
Waiting for a call from you
Then I remember it wont come
Crying out my dying eyes
Becoming more then numb

A Title For...

Star light and bright
To many stars out tonight
How will I choose
Which one is mine?
So many droplets in the sea,
So what one is meant for me?
Or, is it all just out of reach,
If there are rocks
Out underneath,
What rock belongs to me?

Fire burns
Water runs
Air blows
And earth breathes
I burn, I run, I blow, I breathe

So many scenes run before my eyes,
But I’m blind,
So many songs run through my ears,
But I’m deaf.
Life ain’t kind.
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who’s the worst off of us all?
Mirror, mirror in my hand,
What’s the worst thing in this land?
Mirror, mirror on the floor,
Crystal shades of you galore.

So here I sit waiting.
Not tired so alive.
I can’t sleep, because dark fuels me,
But, he doesn’t get it, why would he?
Eyelids please shut.
Darkness make me your minion.
I can no longer be in charge of you.
I’m just writing
Hoping to soon be gone.

Good At Imagination

Sparkle, sparkle little crown
Get your kicks up and down town
Running round in that ball gown
Turn that frown upside down
Twinkle, twinkle little star
To the end it isn’t far
Shoot a bit higher then you are
You’ll probably crash that damn car
Sprinkle, sprinkle little rain
Hitting children with your cane
Don’t want to miss your only train
Beep out where our songs profane
Wonder, wonder little child
Are you going a bit wild?
They ask you to please remain mild
I think they may have misdialed
Fake it, fake it little boy
Or you will be just a toy
Are you acting a bit coy?
Or it this just your only joy
Thank me, thank me little girl
For the bouncing little curl
You make some folks want to hurl
Because for none you will unfurl
Smoking, smoking little pipe
Graciously you aim and snipe
Do you think these words are ripe?
Or all night shall I sit and type?

The Outside of Your Sideless Box

Alone
In what they call cold

Fearful
Of what they call old

Time beats its heartbeat to the majesty,
And the mountains graze her sky.

The sun shines
A golden ray across the fractured mirror

The mystery whines
Hidden beneath the waves, so severe.

The trees snake upward majestically
The clouds ride on the drops of wind.

Old Chocolate

Music is a way of life
Notes don’t just fall from the sky
Like plants don’t just grow from the earth
They need birth
Or away from sunlight they shy
Fire doesn’t spring from nothing
Inspiration must lead my songs
My inspiration is like the night
Its not here all day long

-
tinkling piano
guitar strumming just right
the shimmering harp just plays your notes
and you just sit and sway
This is your loudest day
-

My head hurts
Its pounding
But the rhythm doesn’t stop
The drums beat, leading the parade
It’s a raid
And now the notes are falling

Love Is Funny

The drama of an unexpected beginning
Stare out the windows and see if you can see the stars
It feels a lot like winning
Love drenches my dry heart
I stare into your eyes
In a tranquil moment I think
We have the same loves, same despise
Oh. How could that be?
The white moon out side saying
“oh, someday you will see,
even when your not playing
anything can be”

See the city lights out side the otherwise pitch-black window
As my lucky star watches over my sleepers
It looks a bit upside-down
But interpreting it is the harsh glare of the wing light
I’m just flying through

Bloodred Eyes

History repeats itself
In the form of hate.
I know I’m going to die
In the cross-fires open slate.
They were ungentle,
But, I’ll fight back
it wont be long
Before they’re dead on a rack.

Chorus
My eyes are life worn and ready to die.
They’ve seen so many things they can no longer cry,
And even if you’d seen it all
Can’t of felt it just like me.

Lagging his feet in misery.
Face points up to growing towers
Bottle clenched in a fist.
He hates the riches money showers
Sitting at a bus stop alone,
Singing lovely tunes to himself
No one second glances his way
Like a doll on a shelf.

Chorus


She sits on the beach alone
Smoking the last of it,
And even after all of that,
She desperately wants to quit.
Boyfriend beat her. Father left her.
Trust and love is not her thing.
She longs to start a stable family.
Yet, she lost so many rings.

Chorus(x3)

Him

I don’t know what they told you
I don’t know what they said
I don’t know if its true
I don’t know if its dead
I don’t know if you waiting
I don’t know if your gone
I don’t know if youd still be here
If I decided to come back along

CHORUS
I don’t know why you don’t want proof
Of all the things I do
You just take their word for it
I don’t know why you don’t see me
As a real human being
You just take their word im not
This reality
Isnt happening

I don’t know who is lying
I don’t know who is not
I don’t know who is trying
I don’t know who is frought
I don’t know where this came from
I don’t know where its been
I don’t know who has just come
I don’t know who is still hidden

CHORUS

BRIDGE
I said you gotta help me out
He said why
Cuz everything is tumbling down
And I had meant to touch the sky
I said is this to spice things up?
NO, its to set them crumbling down
Well that’s where everything stuck
He was stuck in the ground

I don’t know this story
I don’t know these words
I don’t know what im singing
I don’t know if this hurts
I don’t know what they told me
I don’t know if I care
I don’t know if its coving
My only chance at fresh air
So now im here

Stand by

Her dreams were scarce but frightening and vivid. She would predict the future or even the present. Once she had a dream in where she cut her hair and woke with the back of her hair chopped off. She was frightened of them. What if she dreamed she killed someone? Could she stop it? She had to find the source.
That night she dreamed. She dreamed of others, just like her. They took her to a place called chaos land. Everything was odd; flying was possible, but the land guided you. You were just a puppet. Like trying to run and finding you’re stuck. Buildings would burn but a red ribbon would catch you up before you could help. You watch helplessly as the ribbon drags you away. You would sit in a car with friends, driving, singing, and having fun until the land pulled you away into its invisible torments.
She was pulled into a train, and then found herself in front of a switch. With no power of her own, she flipped it off.
She awoke to her brother screeching that the power was off. She hadn’t moved from where she fell asleep but she knew it was herself.

Summer Camp

My mind is blank
My inspirations are gone
Next to me on the plank
I hear a beautiful hum
Everyone’s got her piece
but mine just sits there
Ruining my minds peace
Like a large growling bear

Chorus
I hear them surrounding me
The whispers in my head stop
And while they stare at me
My thinking puts on a top

A wish fills my head
But they tell me no
So now my wish is dead
And my thoughts are no more
Gold shimmers off the water
And into saddened eyes
While outside I don’t falter
Inside I’m my despise

Chorus

The pink and red sunset
The pretty purple skyline
I know we just met
But it feels like we have a timeline
When you want to cry
I wont stop your tears
Ill hold you through it then dry your eyes
Then help you laugh at your tears

Chorus

One last saying
Before you leave
I’m left thinking
Surrounded by dead leaves
Powerless and broken
I lay there on the floor
Horse riders with a twang of oaken
Block me from the only door

Never Wrote A Country Song

I’m drivin’ down that old word road.
I’m leavin’ home for good.
My suitcase packed with all my clothes,
I’m just doin’ what I think I should.
Grew up my grandparent’s house,
‘Cause my parents were in jail.
Used to screaming so silently
With the wind and the hail.

That old beaten road
You used to ride it everyday,
And when the sun came up
We’d be out in her sweet rays.
Bitter sweet baby

Test anxious

The test is done;
I have writer’s block.
I’m at lust for fun,
But then I look at the clock.
I have so long till I’m free.
The teacher looks at my work;
I wish he would just let me be,
But he reminds me of the responsibilities I shirk

Chorus
Turn off my calculator;
Let my brain shut down.
The sun comes through the window
Like a golden crown.
I’m being lazy, sweets.

The crumbs still fill my desk
From my surreptitious snack
I’m giving up my test
To the teacher who came back
I’m waiting for the bell
But it doesn’t want to ring
I smell a very sweet smell
And it makes me want to sing
LUNCH!

Chorus

Bridge
I want my radio on!
Some music to ease my test boredom
The girls behind trade gossip
But im to old for that
I’m on my own

I always hate the last verse
Cuz I know the song must end
And then I start to curse
Cuz my wishes will not send
So here is your task
While the guitars play away
Make a wish and also ask
For the most wonderful day

Chorus
(lunch bell)

Starlight

Star light and bright
To many stars out tonight
How will I choose
Which one is mine?
So many droplets in the sea,
So what one is meant for me?
Or, is it all just out of reach,
If there are rocks
Out underneath,
What rock belongs to me?

Fire burns
Water runs
Air blows
And earth breathes
I burn, I run, I blow, I breathe

So many scenes run before my eyes,
But I’m blind,
So many songs run through my ears,
But I’m deaf.
Life ain’t kind.
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who’s the worst off of us all?
Mirror, mirror in my hand,
What’s the worst thing in this land?
Mirror, mirror on the floor,
Crystal shards of you galore.

So here I sit waiting.
Not tired so alive.
I can’t sleep, because dark fuels me,
But, he doesn’t get it, why would he?
Eyelids please shut.
Darkness make me your minion.
I can no longer be in charge of you.
I’m just writing
Hoping to soon be gone

If I Told You I Loved You

I have a secret
rolled up on a slit of paper
I'm in love with you
but when you see me, you taper.
I want to hold you,
to roll you like a cigarette
and keep you by me
but i know I'm your only regret.
I would stand by you
even when you turn from the world
or the world turns away
be it gently or be it hurled.
A small three words
on my paper here
will you return them
even if commitment is your fear?

If I Had A Ring I'd Give It To You

I have a ring

I have a ring on my finger

I have a ring on my finger in fact

I have a ring on my finger in fact but i dont need it

I have a ring on my finger in fact but i dont need it to never leave

I have a ring on my finger in fact but i dont need it to never leave your side

I have a ring on my finger in fact but i dont need it to never leave

I have a ring on my finger in fact but i dont need it

I have a ring on my finger in fact

I have a ring on my finger

I have a ring

and it belongs to you

Free... Write.

A silence
on the streets with
no one here because?
because they are all
gone.
Where are
they?
In the neon
dark. The "brightlite"
subways underground
and away from their mess
of what they made.
The littered streets
the black air,
the dying streams,
the crumbled buildings on fire.
They will regret.
They will wrench hearts
from the dying bodies of flesh, blood and bone.
To life! To
Don't feel. they all
shout
don't regret.
Just
a silence.

Dont Go Away

Read this book before bed everynight
learned all the words, the rhymes, a million times
just sticking to the fading light
Just listened to the bells death chimes
Heard the thoughts, the rocks, the loud tick tocks
your souls not alone with in all these crimes
Close the doors and lock the locks
hide from the air, the flight, the shining knight
watch as they take away all the flocks

Why Do I Dream Of...

A gentle blush,
a frozen breeze,
a warm blood rush,
a persons ease.
A thought to hard,
a lost battle,
a minding guard,
a broken rattle.

For You

I will write
you stand there and stop time
so i can flow
help make sure im at my prime
i will sing
you stand there and drink my voice
so i can dance
in a white dress as i rejoice
I will stop
you stand there and move faster
so I can rest
there will be no large disaster

Because Your Doing It

remember me when you are just passed old
when your gone and through me your story 's told
and whether weak or strong and bold
i write the bond you shall forever hold
A shorter version of you life
stabbed in the back with a shorter knife
and yeah you lost all of your stife
when learning you were still his wife
A little lighter on the wheel
so that in the end you can still feel
i guess this darker side does appeal
it all just seems so surreal

The Crow

A human running

Faster and faster until

The ground sinks below.

I transform into a bird,

A shimmering crow.

I fly into the valleys

Up into the sun

I coast above pink mountains

Free to fly and soar.

Dusk and dawn, my wings tremble

Uninhibited

Daily life is but a blur.

My gaze falls on them,

Land-locked drones follow routine.

Rivers rise and fall

Trees reach for me with longing

But, I leave wistful

Sand giving way to water

I chase the blue horizon.

An Inside Joke With Myself

So what happened on the day
a letter came in the mail
telling me "your green card expired
you must go to the nearest train rail"
so i left the place id come to love
and the only people that loved me
and im not ashamed to admit
i cried while we flew though the trees

Chorus
Time
Passing on
Moving backwards
I'm leaving here
moving away
to where i belong
so sing me a song i've never heard before
and i believe i'll find my way back someday

Glory to the coming sun
hitting the morning mist
trees are covered in golden light
my face is sun kissed
night falls away in red hues
silver and gold bring day on
sleeping people waking up
i'm already out before the first light of dawn

Chorus

By the night time sky
Stars shine brightly for me
And the milky moon
Through the forest trees
Shining eyes in the darkness
Seeing farther than me
Panther lopes across the field
Climbing up the nearest tree

Chorus

Sunset hits me like a rock
Falling from the darkening sky
Scarlet in red, streak orange and yellow clouds
Changing beauty to my eye
and the sunset carries on
shining over water pure
and the daylight fades away
making sunset more mature

Chorus

Back to the day when peace reined
no thought of leaving crossed my mind
playing in the suns afternoon rays
back to my last day that was kind

Winter

At risk of being
I lay aside in the snow
I’m not really much
But a forgotten snowflake
And yet he lifted me up

I was overjoyed
He put me to his sweet lips
And swallowed me whole
Giving me the strength to be
Melting me into a tear

But his love was false
And so he spit me back up
And I lost myself
Amid the frozen angels
I’m just one in the many

Wind blew her hardest
I froze up in the cold air
Dreaming of before
When I was warm and melted
And then, as before, I moved

I was busted up
Brought back to the whole again
Now I was many
No longer a unique piece
Once again I lost feeling

And then it happened
As a whole we remembered
Thoughts and feelings mashed
Until there was nothing left
Of me just being me

So the sun came out
And we receded
We melted as one
And washed away together
Now nothing remains to tell

Be quiet! There's a science test

Once in every girls career

she has to find someone to comfort her

When the days done

Its not over till your finished for good

its not leaving till you take off your hood

and admit what you are to the world

Chorus

Am I legend?

Am I good or bad

am I a fighter

am i happy or sad?

Where will I go

when the stage is dark

I cannot go home

I cant feed myself to the sharks

Missing in action

Ive run away

to my fatal attraction

though it might leave me someday

I don't want what I have

I don't have what I want

nothing more to me then this

Chorus

Bridge

A harmony whispered in the winds

The day I leave will you not come in

to my heart?

Why don't you ever love me

This is the life

of someone misunderstood

but thats what they all say

thats what they all say

I'm in danger

and I don't even know it

the blackness swirls around me

I shouldn't of got in the car

the crash was fantastic

the ending was mine as well

so when it ALL COMES OUT

be in my heart

please, please find my soul

its gone to me now

The Anderson Guitar

Millions of hands
Millions of pens
leaving their mark on this little guitar
Millions of faces
Millions of places
leaving their mark on this little guitar
Millions of names
Millions of fames
leaving their mark on this little guitar
Where is my hand
Where is my pen
Where is my face
Where is my place
Where is my name
Where is my fame

leaving its mark on this little guitar

The White House China Doll

A china doll placed in a big white house
Just watching time go by
little hands
moving littler feet
just to make the time fly
She smiles, her eyes unwatering
even when shes really sad
she sees all the children grow up
and feels confused and bad
little arms, stuck in place
unless someone helps her out
unmoving hips, silent lips
though she wishes she could shout
She sees her country moving forward
and it makes her really proud
though through her lips, no song erupts
she longs to sing out loud
Ghosts of memories haunt peoples mind
but for her its all so clear
So as the time fades her life
She sheds and invisible tear

Noche Del Silencio

the background to my youth
the soundtrack to your life
the gentle way it all rolls away
not that i asked for this
it just happens
like a blessing hidden in your nightmare
or a song, stolen from the silence
the thrum of the bass resonates inside my heart
beating down to my soul
the one i never knew i had
it joins with me perfectly
creating a pure simple note
so why is music my life?
music can be heard, even in silence
it does not have to rhyme
or follow any rules
it is the base of my creation expressing itself
you may read this and say, "your full of it"
but to me, this is my truth
my calm before any storm
and the relief after
you dont have to understand
this isnt for you
this is me and who i am

Not To Be Gone

a kiss of sweet rain slips onto my face like a mask
covering my identity and slicking back my hair

In this place I can be anyone
anywhere
I am a girl on the verge of becoming a woman
with nowhere to turn
and no one to trust
I am a boy who has just had his first kiss
but was dumped right after
never to have trust in love again
I am an uncertain bird
free from its cage for the first time
not wanting to be caught out of this bittersweet world and put back in
I am a baby
new to this world
not knowing whom to place reliance on
but i am forced to believe in everyone

I am sweet and innocent
but plagued by the problems this life has to offer
I can dream when I am here.
I am alone
My face falls into transparent pieces
mixing with the rain to shatter the surface of the troubled pond
I scream with the wind
unsettling the poor trees
and frightening the dying grass
A roar rips from my throat
and my eyes shimmer and gleam with tears in the dim golden light from my candle
These woods reek of the hardships of winter
As i hide in my unprejudice sanctum
I think of the city
The place is always consumed by light
never sleeping
It always cowers from the shadows
pretends
they arnt there
as if afraid that the darkness will devour their precious light
and drown them in the realization of their secrets
but without the shadows
how are they to be grateful of the light?
They dont understand.
To be loud
you must have silence to compare it to.
Here I am in balance.

Dawn peeks over the trees of my forest
breaking into my peaceful set of mind.
The warm golden light contrasts with my misty blues.
I put on a sad, knowing smile.
I must leave my golden hide out for a more yellow world.
I put on a grin to hide my true feelings on the matter
and start down my old%, rugged and beaten dust path.
Hopefully a brighter day was ahead
but to join with it I had to be myself.
Not the girl, not the boy, not the bird, not the baby.
Me.
I was alone in my mind, but I was not alone.
I was surrounded by people that didnt care
They go about their busy lives
and when they arent busy
they+act+like+they+are.
Because who here honestly wants to admit youre not a somebody?
However much I wished to stay in my sanctuary,
I was headed back to this unbalanced world.
The hell I lived in was not ever to be a heaven
Utopia cannot be attained
because it can always be made better.
When people are living and dying everyday

Who am I?