Earnestly

In the corner of my eye, a white shape fluttered into existence. The plastic bag caught to the telephone line looked like a trapped dove, trying desperately to yank free. The wind jerked at it, pulling every which way. I sighed and looked down, through my windshield, at the road ahead.
Nothing new. Just another day where I sell my life for the sake of others. I had made the bargain; instead of suicide, give my life to those who really want it. To those who will really use it. This had empowered me to continue existing.
I rolled down the window and let the breeze brush icy, wet fingers through my hair and down my neck. For the first time since I arranged the trade, I was regretting it. Based solely on a fairytale. Something I never believed in anyway. There he was, a human being made of eloquent words that wrench holes in my reality. I imagine him made of smoke, simply a hazy dream.
I turn up the radio, an indie song peppered with big words and static silences. Last night, I found myself looking up plane tickets. Writing down and erasing my feelings before I could hit send. Staring at his photograph and wondering why he felt so right. Maybe someday my children will compile these letters and stories, perhaps smiling or saddened at the secret ending I do not yet know.
I keep my hands on the wheel, desperately trying to hold steady. Every inch of my body demands I veer to the airport. I imagine the freedom of living in my own wonderland, with new winds to guide my path.
I know better. I check my bank account on my phone and my eyes in the rear view mirror. The plastic bag was never made to be free. It was made to carry the load for those who cannot carry it themselves.